Singles and Online Dating: Is It Best for You?

Dating is usually one of those topics that is never, or rarely, discussed in churches.  Online dating is especially not mentioned.  Many still consider it odd, taboo, and so forth.  It is as though someone who dates online is inferior to those who date the so-called normal way or weird for trying it.  Nevertheless, many people, even perhaps some you know, date online.  In this article I want to consider whether or not it is best for our readers.

Before I give you my answer, it is probably best to explain my past experience with online dating.  I have tried online dating several times because I was not meeting godly, single women at college or at church or at work.  I attended college and graduate school both at a place where good and godly single women are about as easy to find as a (good) working PC (=perhaps impossible) and I worked full-time.  So, I decided to try a free trial of eHarmony.  Shortly thereafter I subscribed because I became interested in a few of the profiles I read.  From that time I met some strange people – seriously.  Oh the stories I could tell!  Anywho, I had lots of bad experiences and said I’d never do it again.  One of my friends, however, met someone who seemed to be godly.  He suggested I try it once more.  My first day on Match.com, I met the godly woman is who now my fiancé!  We both had similar, bad experiences with online dating – which was quite humorous to hear.  My main point in sharing this information is to explain that I have had lots of experience with online dating – even true success!  Enough about me, it is time to consider your situation.

Here is a guideline I’ve formulated based on my experience with online dating: guys and girls, try to find someone godly where you are – at school, work, church, and so forth; if you cannot find someone there, then try online dating, wisely and cautiously.  While I met someone amazing online, I still think trying to find someone where God has placed us is best.  Perhaps God places where we are for a reason, even for meeting our future spouse.  For some, online dating is a form of cowardice: it becomes a method to avoid the nervousness of asking someone out in person or just meeting people in person the so-called normal way.  For those types, online dating is not best.  That kind of guy should try to meet new people, man up, and ask a godly woman out on a date.  Or, that kind of woman should find a way to make herself available to meet new guys – whether that is in a coffee shop, in a book store, at church, and so forth.  Nevertheless, in some circumstances, the option of meeting new people and asking them out in person is unavailable.  This person should try to make good use of online dating.  Hopefully my success with this method will encourage you to try it and know that for some it works – perhaps even you!

Comments

  1. Christie says:

    Congratulations on your engagement – I wish you and your intended all the best!

    In terms of commenting on your post, I would like to ask if you have any Scripture to reinforce your views. It seems to me that, though I know of several godly couples who met online, the only evidence I have ever heard in favor of Christians using online dating is experiential and not Scriptural. I’d like your thought on the matter.

    My experience with online dating is one I do not plan to repeat. For me, it became too much about me and not enough about trusting God with my love life. I found myself a Calvinist in theology, but an Arminian in regards to relationships. I trusted God to take care of my salvation in the whole, but I expected to have to go out and find a husband on my own. After further studying the Bible, I do not believe that the woman is to seek out a husband and so, I don’t feel that it’s wise for me to participate in online dating.

  2. Benjamin J. Montoya says:

    Christie,

    Thanks for your feedback.

    While I wish I could present Scripture to reinforce my views concerning online dating, I cannot cite specific Scriptures that deal with the issue explicitly. Yet, since the Bible is relevant to our day, the writers of the Bible speak to this issue indirectly. So, I would use those Scriptures which concern the characteristics of person (Prov 31, 1 Tim 3, and so forth) which we are to look for in a spouse, just like I would for so-called “normal dating.” Dating and online dating are both relatively new things (within the last 100 years for both). Nevertheless, the writers of the Bible still have something for us, along these lines.

    As for your experience with online dating, I plan to address this issue in an upcoming post. Clearly, if we are acting like finding someone is entirely up to us, then something is wrong with our faith in God. Yet, we still have a role to play in the matter, whether using online dating or meeting someone in-person. The role of a man and the role of a woman should be different. Stay tuned for more on this matter 8^)

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